Having cancer, a newborn baby, a sensitive 4 year old and a husband who works all of the time is difficult.  Even more difficult? Not having family or friends helping out.  When the going got tough, my “loved ones” got going.  Apparently, it wasn’t because they didn’t care, or didn’t love me.  It was because they were all going through their own crap and were not capable of giving me what I needed.

The reasons no one came:

  • It was too difficult to see me so sick.
  • It would have been too scary to see me sick.
  • “Everybody has their own problems.”
  • “I’ve been dealing with so much, I had no more to give.”
  •  “I was working.”
  • ” I live too far away.”
  •  “I am not emotionally capable of dealing with your suffering.”
  • At least I have a husband.
  • They weren’t worried because I had the number for a Homeopath known to cure incurable illness.
  • They had faith in God that everything would be alright.

Things people could have done to help me if they really couldn’t be here in person:

  • Send pre-cooked meals
  • Phone calls asking me about what I was going through while exhibiting empathy and compassion.
  • Send a housekeeper to help
  • Hire a baby-sitter to help
  • Find volunteers at church that might help me
  • Call me and listen to my troubles with empathy

The Help I Did Receive: The Bright-Side of Humanity

A wonderful community organization helped me by sending a housekeeper a couple of times, doing our laundry once a month and sending meals on chemo days.  The Catholic Church I attended, as well as a couple of its parishioners, gave us money which we promptly used for childcare.  They also helped with overnight childcare of my infant son, and sent many meals.  The parishioners sent me cards, well-wishes, and were physically there for us as much as they were able.  My newborn son slept in the home of these kind strangers while I lied in a bed writhing in agony from the affects of the chemotherapy.  One parishioner and now friend gathered money to send a housekeeper to our home a few times which was so helpful.  My brother set up a Go Fund me page for us.  Amazing people from all over the internet, including friends from High School donated funds so that we could afford childcare and housekeepers. It was a big help as we were in massive debt due to my illness. My father cleaned the kitchen a few times, and my parents (one of whom is disabled) watched my son overnight several times, as well as accompanied me to some Chemotherapy treatments.

Without the help of these people, we never would have made it.

It Was Not Enough:

I am grateful from the bottom of my heart that we received help.  However, with what we were going through, it wasn’t nearly enough.  The help we received wasn’t for the entirety of my suffering and wasn’t consistent. What would have been more helpful than anything, would have been family and friends rallying around us and giving us the kind of help that only family can provide.  There were several people who said they would come to help, and never stepped a foot in our home.  There were even more people that never even bothered to reach out to me.  Sometimes I got the feeling that some people felt as though if I got cancer, it was because I deserved it.  Others just didn’t want to deal with the very real stress in my life.  (So sorry to be a mood-killer).  During the times that I needed people the most, they abandoned me. And I am sorry, I do not see their actions as a reflection on myself. I did not deserve that behavior.  Their behavior is most assuredly a reflection on them.

When I saw only one set of footprints…was it because they left me all alone? Thankfully, Jesus never deserted me.